Saturday, February 19, 2011

Smart Business Women in Music

Oprah Winfrey

I just left my show and bought my own channel. I don't think I need to say anymore. Oh, and I don't make music but I was just necassary to be mentioned.



Janet Jackson


I am one of the best selling black women you know. I can't really sing but hey, being MJ's sister can do wonders for your career. Anyways, I look better than...well alot of people. There is nothing wrong with being a dancer that can sing. And if Madonna could do it so can I.  My relationship with Jermaine Dupri took me to a different area in music and it just didn't work well. You shouldn't mix business and personal relationships if at all avoidable. My albums weren't selling as well but I was still going platinum.  So I said, forget this. I'm not focused on making albums anymore. I'm just going to do acting and touring. I don't have to make an album to tour and sell out arenas. I am that bad.



Jennifer Lopez

I am the highest paid Latin actress ever in history. I released several platinum albums eventhough I can't sing like that but neither can Janet or Paula. So, shoot me. But, you know I can dance enough to make up for that so...yea.  I'm beautiful and have a very large bottom so I am very marketable and have done really well with my perfumes and other endorsements. My last album didn't do well at all. Not sure if you know but Mariah Carey's ex husband is who kind of created me so when he left my label I wasn't happy so it showed in my work and sales. After the album didn't sell well I asked for and was granted a release from my label. I am now signed to Def Jam with Rihanna so I'm GOOD. On top of that I am a judge on American Idol now so I am unavoidable on your television and my name is in everyone's mouth. Things are looking GREAT for me now. How you doin?




Lil' Kim

I am the Queen, ask Biggie.  During my prime I was who everyone wanted to see at the awards shows, wondering what I had on.  Diana Ross even copped a feel.  My style was hardcore and nobody could deny my talent.  I even won a Grammy for that song Missy put me on with Xtina, Pink and Mya.  Sold millions and snatched my crown back from that chick Foxy when she tried to do me like Monica did Brandy. Yes I have changed my face but I am BEAT with this new nose I got so stop playing.  I went to jail so that through me off a little bit yea. Came back and was hot on Keyshia's "Let it Go" song, 'nother track Missy made sure I got on.  Then I turned up on "Dancing with the Stars" and got me my cute check and was back in the public eye. Came out with the new sound on my song "Download". Fans wasn't really feeling that. Still working on music, getting paid from all the millions I've sold, next thing I know this chick Nicki come on the scene.  She talking bout she won and killed all of us while she rocking my looks. Um, no. But I was cool. I tried to even go over the Cash Money and bring her out with them. But Nicki was tryna be the only female. She love me and look up to me but she don't want me stealing her shine over at Cash Money or taking from the money that can be spent on her. Well, at least that is what I think. I think she didn't want me getting money off of her eventhough she was copying me.  So yea, that was a no no. So I'm using this whole situation to benefit me.  You don't want pay me, I'ma get paid.  I came out with this mixtape, sold over a hundred thousand in like 28 hours. I'm good.  I didn't do the black hair or the bleach blonde in my video either. I did the honey gold cuz I'm not tryna look like that girl. Meanwhile, look for me soon I'm coming out with an album and I don't care what nobody got to say I am paid, been paid, and am still getting paid and yes I am still the Queen.  Holla at me Nicki if you wanna collaborate just be ready to cut that check!



Nicki Minaj

I am going to come out under the one of the best rappers Lil' Wayne, but only if I like the record deal. I don't want a regular rapper deal cuz I am not a regular rapper. I want to sing and I do not want to be limited.  I am going to get my body done for attention and use pink hair under my black hair, its a cute look. I'm going to put out a few mixtapes. Sold a million on a mixtape, who does that?  Next I am going to feature on any and everyone's song like Wayne would...stack paper.  The public thinks I'm with Drake? I'm going to use that for promo. Went to my twitter and tweeted we was married. Love him though, thats just my bro.  Anyways, in all my videos I'm going to change my hair color. I'm going to rap assuming different character personalities and name them. Everyone is going to love it!  My wigs look like Lil' Kim and my facial expressions remind you of Missy Elliott, my laughs on the tracks sound like Trina. I am just all the best wrapped up into one. Meanwhile, on my album I'm going to sing like Rihanna and I am going to cross over beyond what is expected of a rapper. My album is platinum and I now have had two #1 Rap songs. I'm doing my thing and I will be around for sometime so get used to it. You should all be thanking me, I brought attention back to female rappers.  And in case you didn't notice, I have been showing my acting skills in "Right Thru Me" and "Moment 4 Life" and its not just by chance.  I'm being smart and letting the world know I can act so when I'm ready, I'll start considering the roles that have already been offered to me.  Love you Barbz.



Beyonce'

I am going to be the center attention of a group of females who can all sing but just have not been as developed as me yet. However, they are going to benefit from being in a group with me because they gone learn from my skills, get a check, public attention and fans.  This way, we will all come out with money in the bank. Then I am going to focus on my solo career.  First I am going to do an R&B album to gain fans from the music I was raised on, my roots. Next, I'll go back to the group to show I still love my girls. I don't want to look like I totally ditched them. Now we as a group have 3 grammys and sold over 50 million albums making us the world's best selling group according to the World Music Awards. Point proven, back to my solo thing. I'm going to change it up and do a whole dance album, forget the slow R&B cuts. But, I'm still going to have some hood feeling tracks like Upgrade U. Meanwhile doing all these albums I'm going to do a couple of movies that involve me singing. Might as well get me an extra check.  Next album I'm going to split it up to cater to everyone. First side of the album is going to be pop ballads and second side is going to be dance tracks some pop and some more urban.  I'm going to do a video in black in white of me dancing the best that I have ever danced and watch as youtube fans go into a frenzy making it the would have been best video of the year but congrats to Taylor.  I don't even have to mention my total of 16 Grammy's, all my endorsements and other accomplishments. You know the deal...Queen B. Wait, let me not forget to mention Jay eventhough its none of ya'lls business. I am married to Jay-Z who is a legendary rapper, has his own label, clubs, oh and Oprah LOVES him. After my album is released in 2011 I will probably finally give him a baby.



Jada Pinket Smith

I am going do my acting thing on TV on A Different World then go to movies like 'Shame and Set it Off. But this acting thing started not going well anymore because black female actress do not get that many roles anymore.  But thankfully I fell in love with actor Will Smith who can pay all my bills plus yours and yours families so I'm good. While raising our kids I was still doing movies, just not often. Now the kids are a little older so I am back on TV with my show called Hawthorne.  I'm still ensuring our future cuz our daughter Willow is the next Rihanna or even better and Jaden is the next Will Smith.  Are you wondering why I was mentioned? Because my daughter sings while my son and husband have rapping skills; skill that are putting money in the family account.

No comments:

Post a Comment